I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
