I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
