So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
