i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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