Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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