yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
