mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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