I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
