Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
