Dude my mom stole all your condoms
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
