From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
