I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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