Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
