I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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