Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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