Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
