he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
