plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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