Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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