I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
