Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
