i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
