who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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