I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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