I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
