real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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