If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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