boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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