I wish my penis had an off switch
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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