Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
