need another drink. this is the easiest way
Say something about gay babies.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
