Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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