Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
