i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
