I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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