I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
