I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
