i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
