Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
