I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
