So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize