arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
