Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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