google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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