im having a threesome with these popsicles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come on in and take your pants off
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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