So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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