Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
