I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
