what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have so much sex to catch up on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
