You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
