her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
