i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
