you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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