i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize