I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
