I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize