You're my little dorito
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he thought i was a dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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