AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
