4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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