I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
