Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
