She is in my trunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
