I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
