and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
