sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
