Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
