you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
