I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize