if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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