Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
