the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
