There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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