She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
